Let's make a difference!

So, yesterday I skipped The Dark Knight Rises and Mcdonald's to help save the environment.
Yes, its a big sacrifice, particularly the Mcdonald's part. You'd know if you have ever had food in NLU-J, or any other college actually.
So there I am, at the end of a long, sweaty day, covered in a layer of grime and other assorted things I'd rather not talk about, legs hurting, back breaking, dance practice to go to, and annoying, melodramatic batch mates to deal with, when I realized I'm actually going to be doing this for the next 5 years.

At the end of the day it didn't matter how sick I was of eating Bhindi swimming in oil, or how I really really wanted to watch TDKR, or how frustrating it was to clean up in a place where people just don't give a fuck, I just really felt great to actually contribute, to begin somewhere. And the level of dedication that everybody showed, it just blew me away. I swear it, I have begun to see my classmates in an all new light.

I watched TDKR today, and ate enough burgers to stay on my thighs for the next 10 years at least, but I know I won't have enjoyed it so much had I skipped the Clean Up Drive.

BIG BIG shoot out to M.A.D - Making a difference, by being the difference.

Birthdays. Oh joy.

Was bitten by a spider today, and it wasn't even radioactive.

Depressing, really.

Anyway, its boyfriend's birthday today. ( I call him boyfriend for lack of a better word to describe our situation; cos best-friend-who-I-fell-for-but-cant-be-with-cos-he's-commitment-phobic-and-kinda-a-douchebag is just too long to say every time. AND it sounds sort of flaky and disturbing.)

So I didn't meet him yet, cos he has family stuff, and I have family stuff, and I don't want to join his sausage-fest of booze, and sweat and random midnight wanderings.

Besides, I couldn't even think about how to make it special. I thought about throwing a party for him, but you know.. I was just too lazy to plan it through.

And, its my mother's birthday in about 3 days, and all we're doing is going for dinner. Which should be okay, except I have to choose the restaurant, and as luck would have it, whenever I pick a restaurant for our periodic family dinners, it inexplicably tends to either under-perform the day we're there, or just simply not satisfy my mother's taste. (Too crowded, not crowded enough, too dark, too tasteful, tasteless, too expensive, you get the point).

So anyway, that gets me around to birthdays.

I DON'T LIKE BIRTHDAYS.

Why?

Because, birthdays mean a lot of pressure. And no, I don't mean the pressure of growing old, I mean the pressure of what to do, the pressure of making it special.

Like for instance, one of the amazing things to do in life maybe to sleep all day, yet if anyone would do that on their birthday, everyone would be all "Ohmygod, you're going to sleep on your birthday?!" Yeah I am, so what?

But no, its not good enough, its not special enough.

So basically, that's why I have nothing to do on my birthday.

Birthdays are days when you may do what you love doing, but it wont give you satisfaction cos its not all that "special" and you'll eventually end up doing what other people think is fun, and be miserable, and when you finally wake up next morning, hungover and hungry, and dead freaking tired, you'd wonder where the day went, and if it was seriously as hyped up as it was supposed to be.

Birthdays are overrated.

And this is why I never know what to do to make my quintessential "loved one's" birthdays special.

Because I haven't really discovered yet as to what makes birthdays special.

And there's always this obligation of making it memorable and wonderful, when all I really want to do is sleep and wonder what the excitement is all about.

Shit.

P.S : I read my post through, and it seems to go pretty fast. Eh, that's the speed I generally talk at. But you read it through, so haha.

The lost BFF II- It's going to take some getting over..

Once you've been hurt, it's hard to get attached again. When your hearts broken, its hard to trust again.
We broke up a few months again, but it still hurts.
It starts with a simple question- "Who's your best friend in the whole world?" ............... and I'm blank. No answer.
Cos no one can ever take her place. We've been together for eight years, and though I had accepted the breakup gracefull, I can't help but think of her every time I am forced to contemplate the word "best friend"
We've shared a lot with each other, been through a lot together, trusted each other with our deepest, darkest secrets. and now, there's a big hole in my heart. Empty space she's left behind.
I mean, I have lots of friends. I'm not dying of a broken heart, but I still miss her. She's what you can call my first love- never forgotten.
I've learned to be brave about loss, and get over attachments, but sometimes there's too much left unsaid, so many memories left halfway. Too many regrets.
I cry. Shit happens, and it's okay to cry.
It's a lot of hurt. And it's going to take some getting over.
I love you, M.

Last Wednesday

Last Wednesday we were in love.

Now we're just broken.

But I love you so much

My heart is full, my heart is empty

You leave me broken, you complete me

You raise me up, you bring me down

You say I threw you on the ground

But I love you so much

I love how you love me, I hate it

It's rainbows & butterflies, It's shit

I hate you now, but I love you still

I just want to kiss you, or kill

But I love you so much

What I would give to hear your voice again,

To be your lover, and your best friend

To have you now like I did before

But I don't want to talk anymore

I still love you so much

Kill me now, bring me to life

Here, take back your knife

I pulled it out of my back

Baby, just please come back

I love you so much

I want to see your name in my phone

I want you to leave me alone

Call me, I want to call you

I love your smile, I hate you

But I love you much

I know you love me, Yeah right

I want to hold you, I want to fight

I love you, I hate you

I want to fucking kill you

But I love you so much...

Yo!

Hey,

while you're here, don;t forget to check out my other blog :)

It's new :D

Click here ---------> http://stereotypicalshit.blogspot.com/

Untitled- The lost BFF

She's been my best friend for the past eight years. And today we're fighting.

This is the time I need her the most and she isn't here.

It's happened before.

Her not being there I mean.

Last year, we broke up. And didn't speak to each other for almost an entire year.

I don't wanna write about her.

I don't like being emotional about people. I'd rather not care.

'Course there's a cause that's lost before it begins.

I'm a hopeless emotional.

I always felt like my ability to love people was my strength. Now I'm forced to wonder- is it a weakness in disguise?

Take S Jo for instance. I'm emotional to the point of irritation about him. He has his flaws, and I choose to completely overlook them..

Its the same with MS. Despite everything she did to hurt me last year, I took her back, no questions asked.

And I love her, I do.

But I'm not the most emotionally-equipped person at showing how I feel. Putting it in one sentence.. If I'm nice to you, I probably don't even like you, and if I'm rude, I love you.

I have a sharp edge and a blunt tongue and a vicious brain, but underneath it I'm fiercely loyal.

I cannot go up to her and tell her I need her, but I can feel it all the same.

I can cry for her, and listen to songs about her, and even look at our pictures together, but it's hard for me to tell her how much she means to me.

My only hope is for her to know, deep in her heart that her best friend feels quite lonely without her, and that she needs to come back.

In the meantime, I can still stare at the phone that won't beep.