Depressing, really.
Anyway, its boyfriend's birthday today. ( I call him boyfriend for lack of a better word to describe our situation; cos best-friend-who-I-fell-for-but-cant-be-with-cos-he's-commitment-phobic-and-kinda-a-douchebag is just too long to say every time. AND it sounds sort of flaky and disturbing.)
So I didn't meet him yet, cos he has family stuff, and I have family stuff, and I don't want to join his sausage-fest of booze, and sweat and random midnight wanderings.
Besides, I couldn't even think about how to make it special. I thought about throwing a party for him, but you know.. I was just too lazy to plan it through.
And, its my mother's birthday in about 3 days, and all we're doing is going for dinner. Which should be okay, except I have to choose the restaurant, and as luck would have it, whenever I pick a restaurant for our periodic family dinners, it inexplicably tends to either under-perform the day we're there, or just simply not satisfy my mother's taste. (Too crowded, not crowded enough, too dark, too tasteful, tasteless, too expensive, you get the point).
So anyway, that gets me around to birthdays.
I DON'T LIKE BIRTHDAYS.
Why?
Because, birthdays mean a lot of pressure. And no, I don't mean the pressure of growing old, I mean the pressure of what to do, the pressure of making it special.
Like for instance, one of the amazing things to do in life maybe to sleep all day, yet if anyone would do that on their birthday, everyone would be all "Ohmygod, you're going to sleep on your birthday?!" Yeah I am, so what?
But no, its not good enough, its not special enough.
So basically, that's why I have nothing to do on my birthday.
Birthdays are days when you may do what you love doing, but it wont give you satisfaction cos its not all that "special" and you'll eventually end up doing what other people think is fun, and be miserable, and when you finally wake up next morning, hungover and hungry, and dead freaking tired, you'd wonder where the day went, and if it was seriously as hyped up as it was supposed to be.
Birthdays are overrated.
And this is why I never know what to do to make my quintessential "loved one's" birthdays special.
Because I haven't really discovered yet as to what makes birthdays special.
And there's always this obligation of making it memorable and wonderful, when all I really want to do is sleep and wonder what the excitement is all about.
Shit.
P.S : I read my post through, and it seems to go pretty fast. Eh, that's the speed I generally talk at. But you read it through, so haha.
